America

I never imagined I would be jealous of someone who was moving to Egypt

Don't get me wrong, I'd never move to Egypt, not even temporarily, like a friend of mine is doing. She'd been planning to for a while but after the election she moved her plans up.

I really thought that bitch would win. Am I crazy deluded, or balls deep in a labrynthine echo chamber? Am I stupid?

Now all the crazy evil shit we were all dooming about is happening right in front of our eyes, even faster than I expected, and ain't shit being done about it

There are a million tired-ass things I could say that I'm sure you saw during his first term. "I don't want to live in unprecedented times," "I'm tired of living through historical events," etc. It's tired. I'm tired.

And everyone online is either totally jubilant, because they were in favor of this, or they're completely resigned to their fate, as if we're utterly doomed. And we might be, but does it help to wallow in it?

I supppose it helps as much as what the Democrats are doing now helps, which is "not at all." Seriously—that lady's whole campaign was, "If you don't vote for me, democracy will end!" but now they're all acting as if the election was just like any other.

I feel like it's over, but is it? Because it's not many who are acting like it.

I have an exit plan, too. I'm applying to graduate programs in the Netherlands. If I can get away even for a year or two I would be happy, and of course I would love to return to Amsterdam. But this plan is contingent on my academic excellence and essay-writing skills. While I believe I'm a good enough writer, I worry that my academic record may not reflect me well. We'll see, I guess. It will feel good just to send in the applications; like I'm doing something.

If that doesn't work, I'll be applying for a working holiday visa in Australia, or any other country that will accept Americans. As we're turning into a pariah state, I hope there will still be coutries that let Americans in when that time comes.

If that doesn't work, well... Stay and fight, I guess. This is my home. But my home is evil. Stolen land. There is a sickness in the blood of the American people, and it's not brown people or fent or whatever. It's something else. That industrious spirit, maybe.

Whatever it is, I can tell it's poisoning me. When I lived in Amsterdam, I felt more at home than I ever have here. When I returned, even though the air quality was better, I felt suddenly stifled. There is an evil energy here and all of us choke on it.

I don't know if this disease has a cure. I doubt it. Maybe it's about time someone pulled the plug?